Marci X

  • The Dumbest Friend
  • Homey the Clown
  • Christine Baranski as Lynne Cheney


Written by Libby Gelman-Waxner

"Yeah, I've got my own network sit-com too! It's on ABC's "Pandering to Minorities Tuesday Night!!"

Fear of a Judeo-Nubian Planet

Essentially, the politics of Marci X can be summed up as follows: WASPs are intimidated by blacks because they have big penises, and they hate Jews because they have money. Or, if you prefer, in the language of Paul Rudnick (who most of us know by his alter-ego, Premiere's Queen of Snark, Libby Gelman-Waxner): The Power in the Pants and The Power in the Purse. In fact, Marci X suggests a Judeo-Nubian synergy: Uptight WASPs like Senator Mary Ellen Spinkle (standing in for Lynne Cheney) would quake with fear if Hebrew Dollars directly funded Black Aggression.

I only say Nubian because random pseudo-African gear pops up whenever Dr. Snatchcatcher talks about going "Old School." Marci X is so out-of-touch that it thinks rappers can still offend us: We no longer fear a black planet, and Compton now produces tennis champions. Yet, the nation goes Tipper over Dr. S' latest hit, "I'm the King of Your Mouth." Now I know what you're thinking: That's kinda funny. Yes, and in a Rusty Cundieff way, "It Ain't My Baby Because I Don't Like You" works too. But those are the high points of the movie. Within the first twenty minutes, Marci and her JAP chorus make their way on-stage at the least convincing gangsta rap concert in the history—it looks like Homey the Clown rapping at a community theater. Dr. S "keeps it real" by refusing to censor his lyrics, even though their controversy drove Marci's father to a heart attack. So he tosses Marci the mike. The Fat Sassy Black Bitches yell mean things at Marci, but she pulls it together and, backed by her JAP chorus, raps about her purse. Which turns the community theater into a gospel show. So Dr. S falls in love with Marci.

That's more or less what happens, if you can make any sense of it. To be honest, I was irretrievably startled after the opening scene in which Marci, whose life consists of emceeing fundraisers for the American Jewish Federation, says to polite applause, "You Jews, you wonderful Jews. Who needs Santa Claus, am I right?!" Or when her JAP shrew friend observes the drug addicts for whom they're raising money: "Can you imagine being addicted to heroin?" "But does the weight stay off?" If you don't think drug addiction is funny enough for you, then how about very cruel made-up diseases? Marci talks Dr. S into emceeing a Jewish benefit for Kids Without Feeling in Their Arms (KWIFTA); he raps to old Jewish women about how small their husbands' penises are, which gets them and the whole room to raise the roof. Except for the kids. They have no feeling in their arms. So their arms just flop around while they dance.

I'm not sure what else to say about Marci X. This half-finished review has been sitting here for four weeks, which means Marci X has been out of the theaters for three. Well, let's try this: At the big congressional hearing about Dr. S' (this S stands for "Snatchcatcher) rap lyrics, he uses the opportunity to defend himself. As far as I can tell, this legal argument proposes that black people's preference for anal sex is a response to slavery. Or, as Marci puts it (as she sits at the congressional hearing in her pseudo-Nubian outfit), "Let me love you with respect." That's what violent, misogynist ass-fucking really means in rap songs. Then Dr. S and Marci get married. Which should really scare WASPs, I guess. But not so much that President Bush doesn't ask Dr. S to address the nation. That's the scene I wanted to see. Maybe in Marci X 2, Dr. S and Al Sharpton can be the Democratic ticket in 2004. Can't be worse than Head of State.

The Pitch:
0 Fear of a Black Hat
0 Bringing Down the House
0 Marci X
See It For:

Damon unamused when a bunch of ex-Fly Girls show up with paternity suits.