Legally Blonde 2: Red White and Blonde

Starring:
  • Reese Cashing In
  • Pete
  • Momma Gump

 

 
Directed by Reese's Ego

"Miss Witherspoon, I will give you a thousand dollars if you let my dog eat your dog."

I Hate Reese Witherspoon

There is exactly one joke in this movie: Reese Witherspoon wears a lot of pink. Fine. Ha Ha. But even the audience I saw this with on July 4th thought it wasn't funny past the first half hour. I understand that Reese just wants to fill the power vacuum left by an aging Julia Roberts, but what makes Reese offensive is the exploitation of her audience. She actually tries to make us care about Animal Rights in this movie because we're supposed to think her little rat-dog is cute. Reese's character actually thinks she's a hero, and takes it for granted that we'll think so too. Above all, we're supposed to buy this character because we think she's sincere. But isn't the joke that nobody takes her seriously because of her conspicuous personal vanity? Now we're asked to accept her sincerity and laugh at everyone who doesn't take her seriously? Why? That asks the audience to be as transparent as she is.

What?—this whole "pink" thing is some elaborate scheme to catch the world off-guard? Isn't that a little, I don't know, sinister? And if she has cultivated this disarming persona, there has to be some calculation in her eyes, some evidence of grifting, some complexity of character. But there's not, and we're just supposed to accept that the meticulous care of her skin and wardrobe reveals an equally meticulous care in legal and social issues. Reese Witherspoon asks the audience to be just as fool-hardy as those dopes who think that Pink Girl is full of shit. Screw Reese Witherspoon. At least Julia Roberts asked us to believe in the Hooker With a Heart of Gold and not exploit our patriotism.

Oh yes, and Luke Wilson plays "Pete"...again. Memo to Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson: Please write Luke a script about "Pete" getting married to one of these bimbos. Pick it up five or ten years after the wedding, and have Luke get so fed up with this shit that his Nice Guy act is unmasked to reveal the Lester Burnham within...or something like that. It's a guaranteed Oscar nomination. Every time Luke Wilson plays some derivative of Pete, I'll say it: McG is not only ahead of his time, the world is not yet ready for McG.

The Pitch:
 
0 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Plus
 
0 Sweet Home Alabama
Equals
     
0 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde
See It For:

Bob points out the section of Reese's pre-nup that says that Ryan gets half of LB2's back-end.