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I Hate Reese Witherspoon
There is exactly one joke in this movie: Reese Witherspoon
wears a lot of pink. Fine. Ha Ha. But even the audience I
saw this with on July 4th thought it wasn't funny past the
first half hour. I understand that Reese just wants to fill
the power vacuum left by an aging Julia Roberts, but what
makes Reese offensive is the exploitation of her audience.
She actually tries to make us care about Animal Rights in
this movie because we're supposed to think her little rat-dog
is cute. Reese's character actually thinks she's a hero, and
takes it for granted that we'll think so too. Above all, we're
supposed to buy this character because we think she's sincere.
But isn't the joke that nobody takes her seriously because
of her conspicuous personal vanity? Now we're asked to accept
her sincerity and laugh at everyone who doesn't take her seriously?
Why? That asks the audience to be as transparent as she is.
What?—this whole "pink" thing is some elaborate
scheme to catch the world off-guard? Isn't that a little,
I don't know, sinister? And if she has cultivated this disarming
persona, there has to be some calculation in her eyes, some
evidence of grifting, some complexity of character.
But there's not, and we're just supposed to accept that the
meticulous care of her skin and wardrobe reveals an equally
meticulous care in legal and social issues. Reese Witherspoon
asks the audience to be just as fool-hardy as those dopes
who think that Pink Girl is full of shit. Screw Reese Witherspoon.
At least Julia Roberts asked us to believe in the Hooker With
a Heart of Gold and not exploit our patriotism.
Oh yes, and Luke Wilson plays "Pete"...again. Memo
to Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson: Please write Luke a script
about "Pete" getting married to one of these bimbos.
Pick it up five or ten years after the wedding, and have Luke
get so fed up with this shit that his Nice Guy act is unmasked
to reveal the Lester Burnham within...or something like that.
It's a guaranteed Oscar nomination. Every time Luke Wilson
plays some derivative of Pete, I'll say it: McG is not only
ahead of his time, the world is not yet ready for McG.
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