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The Adventures of Pluto Nash ("The Man on
the Moon" as its tagline assures us) made $2.1 million
dollars in its opening weekend at 2500 screens nationwide.
This is a staggering number when ones considers that the budget
for the film was $90 million and, despite the fact that its
release was prolonged almost a full year, had a significant
marketing push. It also stars Eddie Murphy-no slouch when
it comes to getting butts into theatres. Indeed, Murphy was
a guy that should have been nominated for an Academy Award
a few years back for his dual role in Bowfinger. (If
the dear reader knew the Filmsnobs before this site came into
existence, then the reader has probably already been bored
by our endless enthusiasm for that film.) So, there must have
been something that just reeked seeping from this film that
kept people away in droves. shimes and I tried to do some
math to figure out how bad this film really did. Let's assume
that each of the 2500 screens had 12 showings that weekend.
That's four a day. That comes out to around 30,000 screenings
roughly. Divide that into 2.1 million and that means each
screening made around seventy bucks. Assume that with student,
senior citizen, and under 12 discounts as well as regular
priced tickets and let's say that the average audience member
paid six bucks to see The Adventures of Pluto Nash.
This means that a little over eleven people sat through each
screening of this $90 million, star-studded science fiction
blockbuster. Not out of this world to say the least. (Sadly,
this last line was funnier than anything said in the whole
film.)
And I just spent a whole paragraph doing a screen-by-screen
breakdown of this movie because I have nothing else to talk
about. Pluto Nash plays like one of those films within
a film where a bunch of big egos have committed to making
an awful movie (whether unintentional or not) and the rest
of the story revolves around this internal movie blowing up
on itself. Murphy plays the titular character who, after getting
released from prison, ends up becoming really successful as
a night club owner on the moon. Yes, the moon! Isn't that
crazy? But then, some bad guy named Rex Crater (Yes, and there
are tons of these weak-assed names in this film. It's enough
to make Hanna-Barbara embarrassed.) wants to turn this night
club into a casino. Nash, obviously not a fan of Italians
OR Native Americans, is very anti-casino and has to go through
this big hour long chase to catch Joe Pantilioni and his Alien
Nation-reject henchman after they blow up his prime piece
of property. And did I mention that Randy Quaid plays Nash's
loyal robot? But get this: He's not even a hick? Why even
put Randy Quaid in your movie and then not make him a white
trash robot? He just walks around really stiff and sounds
likes Max Hedroom trying to do an H. Ross Perot impersonation.
But why pick on Randy when other actors like John Cleese,
Luis Guizman, Pam Grier, and a coked-up looking Jay Mohr (Where's
Jim Rome when you really need him?) just kind of show up and
looked stunned that they're actually getting paid to speak
lines like this transaction: "Where you from on Earth?"
"Salt Lake City." "Pretty rough town"
"Yeah." Get it? It's the future and Salt Lake City
must be really bad in the future! But it's not like Eddie
cares, either. He sleep walks through this film as though
all he can think about are transsexual strippers. Not to mention
that the film's idea of clever is to put the term "moon"
in front of everything. "Hey, let's go catch the moon
train". Yes, let's all take the "moon train"...
STRAIGHT TO HELL!
But who cares? I'm sure that the only reason why Warner Bros./Castle
Rock Entertainment/Village Roadshow Pictures even released
it was due to some tax deduction. ( You read right: It took
three studios to make and release this thing.) And those eleven
people who sat through this thing that first weekend were
probably just there because they were big Eddie fans. Like
this one creepy, Charles Manson guy who sat right behind me
and provided commentary that was far more entertaining than
anything on screen. Example: When Pluto goes into a really
gross bathroom to take a leak, this guy says, "Man, I've
been there BEFORE!" And then he would go into this really
deep laugh that sounded a little like how I imagine Satan
sounds when he gets tickled. He loved Eddie based off his
shot by shot analysis and he was absolutely tickled when he
realized that Randy Quiad was also in this film. ("Oh
man! Randy Quiad!") Hey, if this guy got his money's
worth, then maybe The Adventures of Pluto Nash wasn't
a total waste. For everyone else, it can just go on the Paul
Newman and the Final Ice Age pile.
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